Nagtatanga na Ako

"When I became bored (to death one rainy day....)"

The rain drops
To my soul
Drenching me
With its coolness

Like a drooping flower

Soaked and forlorn
The rain drags
To who knows where

It soaks my dreams
Drenches my spirit
And makes me dazed
Like a helpless patient

As a drop falls
In this giving earth
Hope springs forth
A new day begins

I noticed something happening to me these past few weeks. I guess its always been with me but I just never realized it. Ok, here goes....I'm blanking out big time.I've come to realize that staring blankly at space has become a national pastime of mine these weeks. I mean, I knew I had "tanga" moments every other day but now, its like every other hour or any chance I get.Hmm... am I doomed?

This tangatisis usually happens during after school hours in the lobby. I sit in a secluded spot and I stare....and stare....and stare.Even if I join some friends, I'd get bored and just space out from reality. I'm now usually seen staring at the floor or sky or hmm....a bag and be blank till the cows come home. No matter how many schoolmates pass me by and say an occasional "Hi!", I only respond quietly and continue in my "own world". What in the world...

What irks me most is when others call me and say "Mr Lonely..." or "Mar, serious kay ka!". It makes me boil all over. I don't want to talk to you this moment, I'd rather be alone, ok???I guess I'm becoming a loner but I'd rather be by myself and be comfortable in my own skin than hang out with a bunch of people feeling like I should be sociable. Puhleeeez....

But that doesn't mean I don't want company. I enjoy company even! It's just that, in this tumultous stage called adolescence (ngeek!haha...), I feel as if I need to space out and discover what really lurks in the dungeons of my mind. Scratch that, like I'm really thinking deep thoughts. Most of a time, I'll just sit and think...."Why is the sky blue??". Haha....I need to get a life.

Oh well, just a phase....maybe. But whatever happens, I'm enjoying it. I've gone past the stage of being too anxious and pathetic. I need to live my life. I need to get away.